A Glittery Mess
by ginnyharryxoxo14
Summary: When Edward and Alice are forced to go outside by their gym teacher, Bella devises a plan.


A/N: This is my first try at something that resembles humor. If it's not funny, I apologize most sincerely. Review anyway. My first story didn't get any reviews and it made me sad.

I hate gym class. It's so boring. I hate sports. They're so boring. Every minute in that class is like a nightmare I can't escape from. Everyone who hears my name on their team groans. Now they have a useless, clumsy player, not to mention that they have to give up a valuable player to stand in front of me so I don't ruin the game for them, miss the ball, fall flat on my face, or etc. But my hatred of gym changed quickly when somehow, Alice and Edward got switched to my class.

Suddenly Mike couldn't hover over and protect me anymore. Since Alice and Edward were obviously the best ( and they masked their true abilities extremely well) , there was most likely going to be one of either of them on both teams. A team with two of them would be way stacked. So I was going to, no matter what, have one of them to make sure I didn't kill myself and also cover whatever I should've been doing as a member of the team.

On the other team, they'd also see firsthand my absolutely horrid, legendary clumsiness in this class.

I, of course, hadn't counted on sunny days. And neither had they, apparently. Well, at least, they hadn't stopped to consider the fact that we often went outside in gym?

It was an extremely rainy morning, like always, when I woke up. I was glad. Lately, it had been getting sunnier and sunnier, and they were thinking of dropping out of school . I had doubts that Carlisle would let them though. He had a philosophy that once you started something, you can't quit. But still. Even if they didn't drop out, they'd still not come to school on sunny days. Which sucked for me. Yet another reason why I wanted, scratch that, _needed _to be changed. I was miserable when Edward and Alice weren't there. I had to re enter the world of the normal. As in Jessica, Ben, Angela, Lauren, and of course the always present Mike Newton. Either that or sit alone, but they wouldn't let me do that.

The school day was boring. When is it not? But then sixth period rolled around. Gym. Hooray! It was the first day that Edward and Alice would be there. That didn't necessarily make me excited.

When we arrived in the gym, I sat in my customary floor spot, same as always. Coach Clapp clapped his hands together excitedly.

" As you can see by just looking at those doors over there ( Coach liked to flourish his sentences and make them longer then necessary . Rumor is that he had wanted to be a writer), and if you gaze just slightly to the left, you will see the beautiful sun shining bright down. Yup, the rain has finally perished. And we will be going outside today to frolic in the warm, bright sunshine in the very first truly sunny day of the year.!"

I froze. Edward and Alice didn't look worried or anxious in the slightest. Alice raised her hand.

" Yes, Alice dear?"

" Coach Clapp, my brother and I don't feel so well. Our brother Emmett is sick and we think we caught something from him? Can I go to the nurse?" She shot a bright smile at him.

" Emmett. That strapping lad. Yes. I do recall you saying, however, that he was away at college? "

Alice stammered. " He's home for a visit."

" Oh, that's nice. When he's feeling better, do ask him to come see me. But Alice, about your request, I'm sorry, but I simply can't allow you to miss such a wonderful day outside! The fresh air and sunshine will do you some good. You'll feel better in no time, I promise. And you've simply missed too many classes. In fact, all your teachers seem to be complaining about that! I'm sorry. You'll have to come out. I just cannot justify sending you to the nurse one more time. I'll get in trouble, myself, probably."

" But Coach Clapp!" I begged quickly. " You don't want them to get sick all over your brand new soccer nets, do you?"

" Nonsense! They just won't play goalie! What are you, a vampire who gets burned by the sun?"

He laughed at his own joke.

Edward had to stifle a laugh at that. I was dying already. But then Edward started to laugh hysterically, apparently oblivious that he was in such a dire situation. He mouthed to me " He's thinking about how he wishes Rosalie hadn't graduated. Oh My gosh. I'm going to throw up. Naughty thoughts." He grimaced.

" Edward, stop! You have a bit of a problem. "

His face grew serious, and he motioned Alice to come talk to us. Coach Clapp was all excited, getting things ready, so friends had broken up to talk. " I know."

Alice looked really worried. " We'll just have to run now, I guess. "

" NO! You'll get suspended. Then Charlie will take you as someone who cuts class and I won't be able to see you anymore." I started to beg.

"Bella, would you rather us get taken to a laboratory for testing or have to sneak out of the house to see us?"

I had to agree with that one. But the opportunity was shot. Coach Clapp obviously didn't trust them, so he announced that he would be taking periodical attendance. Great.

Alice bit her lip. " Edward, we can't go outside."

" I know. We'll just have to go. Screw the attendance. Carlisle doesn't want us to get kicked out of school, but he'd much rather that then us get exposed."

But then Coach Clapp walked towards us. " So Alice, Edward, can we talk about your brother for a few minutes? I know you're probably sick of talking about his achievements in sports, but I need to know how he's doing!"

That did it. There was no way for them to escape. Suddenly, I caught sight of Lauren's glittery eyebrows. I had an inspiration.

I whispered too low for even my ears to hear " I have an idea. But it might cause eternal ridicule and for many people to question your sexuality, Edward."

Alice laughed. " I see the idea. And it may just work. Go, ask Jessica. She's sure to have. I'll fill in Edward." She sent a picture of it in her thoughts, which of course immediately informed Edward of the plan. He grumbled loudly.

" This is easily the most annoying and embarrassing plan I've ever heard in my entire life. But I have to agree with Alice when I say that it might actually work."

I ran towards Jessica. Any minute, we'd go outside and it'd be too late.

" Hey Jess, got any body glitter? I, like, desperately need."

She looked oddly at me. " Um, yeah. I guess so? What color do you want? I have green, pink, or silver."

" Pink and silver, please."

She reached into her designer bag which she wasn't even supposed to have in gym in the first place, although today I was extremely grateful that she completely disregarded the rules. Usually it annoyed me. She took out a huge tube of pink glitter, and a slightly smaller one of silver. . I groaned slightly, but not loud enough for her to hear me. For Edward's sake, of course. He was going to die. Alice, on the other hand, would be in ecstasy."

" Go crazy." she laughed. " Just, don't, like, use it all."

I ran towards Edward and Alice, who were standing besides the coach. " Got it. You'll only need a tiny bit, because you're wearing a sweatshirt and long pants. You'll just need to dab it ALL over your face."

They nodded. Alice looked excited and Edward looked nauseous. He took the tube of glitter gingerly in his hands, and immediately dropping it like it had burned him. Thanks to his amazing reflexes however, it never even hit the ground before he scooped it up again. He grimaced in disgust and then looked indignant.

" ALICE. Stop thinking that. It's not funny."

I truthfully didn't even want to know what Alice was thinking.

" And by the way," he grimaced again, " It's not Emmett that Coach wants to talk about. Oh no. It's Rose. And he's having some extremely descriptive fantasies." He looked sick for a couple seconds. " Please," he begged, covering his head as to block out the unwanted thoughts, "someone distract him. Or me. I don't know if I can bear walking next to him."

Alice giggled. " Ooh, Edward, you're really going to get it from our classmates after you do this. My vision.. It's not pretty. Trust me."

" I'll do that, rather than see it, thanks. Otherwise, I might lose my nerve and end up who knows where."

Just then, Coach Clapp began herding us towards the doors that went outside, leading to the bright sunshine.

Edward grimaced one more time, opened the tube, and poured a ton onto his hand. He clenched his eyes tightly and began smearing it on his face, as well as on the tips of his fingers. He worked it in, looking sick. He even put a bit into his hair for effect. I nearly died of laughter for the 2nd time, forgetting that I had to breathe. He had to remind me scoldingly.

" Bella, breathe. You need to, remember?"

" Three months. " I muttered under my breath.

I inspected Edward. " Perfect. In the sun, no one will think anything. Other than wonder about your sexual, um, inclining of course."

" Well, I can give them a reminder if you like." he said, running his finger teasingly on my lip. I shivered.

" Edward, you know I hate that."

" Well, I don't."

" Hmppph."

Alice went even crazier with the pink. She looked kind of like sparkly bubblegum when she was done. Then she spoke in an exceedingly loud voice."

" Wow, Edward! That glitter looks really good on you. I kind of like it on me as well."

Everyone turned to look. Just then, the three of us stepped out of the door. I was wearing glitter as well. After all, we did things together. People would think it was weird if I didn't. Only I was wearing silver as well.

The expressions on the faces of the people around us were certainly memorable. Most of them looked disturbed. Some people were cracking up. Others were just staring in disbelief.

" What the hell?" Mike was the first to break the silence. He looked incredulous. "Um, Bella, " he snickered, " I think your boyfriend has a secret to tell you. Who's the lucky guy?"

The people around us roared with laughter. If Edward had been human, he would've been bright red. I, at least, did look bright red.

Edward's normally calm demeanor seemed to vanish. " It was a dare." he mumbled. No one heard him except Alice. It was just too quiet for human ears. He looked like he would die at any second, if he could. I'm sure he wished he could at that moment.

Coach Clapp appeared. " Now Edward, I understand if you want to, um, express yourself freely, but you'll need to wash that off. As will you Miss Cullen and Miss Swan."

" Oh okay. Sorry."

" Wait a minute. I have a very distinct feeling that if I let any of you inside, I won't see you for the rest of the day. Does anyone have a unused water bottle? I'll buy you a new one later."

Someone thrust one to him. He handed it to Edward. " Just pour it over your head, that glitter shouldn't be too hard to get off."

Edward hesitated. I made a split decision. I darted forward just as he raised it over his head. I grabbed it from his hands, uncapped it, and drowned it in two gulps.

" Sorry!" I apologized profusely. " I had this sudden thirst I needed to satisfy. I wasn't thinking rationally."

Coach Clapp looked suspicious, but let it go. " Fine Bella, but you'll need to buy Tyler a new one."

" Oh sure, whatever."

Coach Clapp sighed. " Does anyone else have a water bottle?"

Tyler gave him another one. " I work so hard playing sports, that I need to drink A LOT. But it doesn't look like we'll be playing too much. "

Coach handed it to Edward. I grabbed it again, and drank it down.

Edward and the rest of the class stared dumbfounded at me.

" Bella, this isn't funny. Do you want to go to the office and explain yourself? "

" No, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to joke around. I'm just so thirsty today. I don't know why."

" Do you want to go to the nurse? "

" I'll be fine."

" Okay. Water?"

Tyler handed him yet another one.

Edward whispered to me " He's happy that he's able to provide you with his drinks. He'd give up all his water for you anytime."

" That's nice to know." I smirked.

" He thinks that by giving you water, he'll eventually get you to fall in love with him. Also, Mike is extremely jealous and upset with himself that he didn't bring more water."

"Wow." was all I said.

The next water bottle was handed to Alice. I guess the idea was that she was further from me. She stared at the water nervously.

" Miss Cullen, anything wrong?"

I laughed to myself. He was getting the pronoun wrong. Again. For some reason, I liked when people did that. It gave me a nice laugh, anyway.

" No. Um, the water looks really cold."

" It's half ice! " Tyler said proudly.

" I can't pour this on my head." Never mind that it wouldn't hurt her in the slightest. Probably, it would feel no different to her hard head as being hit by a feather.

Coach Clapp looked really exasperated. I felt kind of bad for him. It wasn't his fault that the Cullens refused to take the glitter off.

This time, Eric produced the bottle. He was getting bored of this.

I drank it again. By now I was completely full. This had better end soon.

Coach Clapp looked like he was going to kill us. Purple veins were almost bursting in his head. He was livid. " One more try, that's all I'll give you."

He handed Edward a huge jumbo bottle. There was no way I could drink that all. Edward raised it to his head. Then he slowly let the water trickle down right to the left of his head, so it didn't touch him. He was going to get it. Oh, was he going to get it.

Coach lost it. . " Alice, Edward, Bella." he screamed at the top of his longs, his face a bright mixture of red and purple with anger. " You three are being absolutely unreasonable. Go to the office at once."

" OOOH. " the entire class sung. It really annoys me when people do that.

Edward looked extremely pissed. Not to mention the fact that he could probably see the man's blood inviting and perfectly. He bit his lip, obviously trying to avoid lunging at the man and drinking his body empty.

Then, abruptly, he grabbed my hand and the three of us turned towards the school, setting off towards the office. In my case, it was sure doom. Coach Clapp ran after us, and handed Alice a note.

" Give this to the secretary."

We waited until he was safely out of earshot to start talking.

" That was so close." Alice breathed.

" Quick thinking on your feet!" Edward complimented me. " Though I do feel bad you're going to get in trouble because of us."

" It's fine. I don't mind. Charlie won't even get that mad. Well, yes he will, especially if he hears I did it to protect you. I'm hoping he'll believe me when I tell him it was a fare. What will Esme and Carlisle say?"

" We'll explain to them the circumstances, they'll understand. Be happy we're getting in trouble in school? Not exactly. They'll be really grateful to you. "

" Do you know who they should be grateful to?"

" No, who?"

" Lauren."

Both Alice and Edward looked shell shocked. " And why would that be?"

I laughed. " I got the idea from looking at her eyes, She wears so much glitter it's disgusting. I mean, it looks nice on you guys, but on her it just looks sick. Trust me."

They both laughed.

" Yup. We do have to thank her. And Jessica too. Without them , we'd be being shipped off to some research facility or something."

I gulped. That didn't sound pleasant. " I don't know what I'd do. Die, probably. If not literally, then at least inside."

" But there's no need to dwell on what ifs. We're together now. And we're about to be punished together now."

" That's certainly something to celebrate." Alice commented idly. She hadn't really been listening to the conversation fully. " Just so you know, you'll need to say it was all a dare."

Edward shushed her. " Hang on, I'm trying to read the vice principal. He's who we'll have to talk to." He was quiet for a few minutes. " Hmmm., interesting. He's actually thinking about how he misses playing truth or dare like he used to as a teenager. He'll be sympathetic. "

" Oh, that's good." I said relieved. " So no trouble then?"

" Not that I can think of."

We stopped in front of the office.

The conversation with the vice principal was very short. We told him that we had played the game last night and Edward, Alice and I had been dared to wear body glitter the entire period we had gym. He believed us, and like Edward said he would, sympathized with us.

"I understand all about dares. Can't break um. It's practically sacrilegious! " He roared loudly, expecting us to laugh along with him. We all hurriedly forced giggles.

We escaped unscathed.

As soon as that was over, Alice and Edward escaped home, but not before I took approximately one hundred pictures of them.

He complained loudly.

" Now, Edward, do you really want to deprive Emmett and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter of a chance to make fun of you? I don't so. "

I laughed. He growled.

" Alice, protect these." I laughed loudly. Edward could grab and rip them in a second if I wasn't careful.

She nodded, laughing once again.

She was about to leave when I shook my head. " I don't want to go to classes today. I am not in the mood to be teased about my boyfriend's sexuality . I'm skipping with you."

Alice nodded. " I would have to agree with you on that one."

" I'll meet you at your house." I couldn't wait.

" Hey Jasper, want to ride with me?" I saw him coming out just then. " I have a story to tell you."

A/n: I couldn't think of an ending for anything. I know the ending sucks. I'm really sorry. It's one am.


End file.
